Lots going on today, so I'm just going to toss it all out here and let you sift through it as you like. My last post was called "Hodgepodge." I'm starting to wonder if I should make that a category!
First, it's Glue It Tuesday. I don't always manage to fit this in, but when I do I always enjoy my time spent cutting and pasting. This week I combined thoughts from Max Daniels and Lisa Sonora Beam with some found inspiration work a la Julie Gibbons, and I started my journal collage with the question "what matters most right now?" Here's the answer so far:
Last night was my first time doing my Creative+Practice work from Lisa Sonora Beam's class at the time I chose for myself. Last week, Week 1, I started late in the week and was haphazard about when and where I did the work. This week I promised myself I would give myself the time and the space to actually do this, to show up for myself and do what I am being pulled to do. But I got home last night and wasn't settling down to do it, even after my promises and cheerleading. I realized that I wasn't doing the work at my designated time because I was uncomfortable.
The time I picked for my work is right after I get home. Feed the cats, clean the litter boxes, change clothes, get a drink, sit down and practice. It makes sense, the cat tending happens every day so I can always pair my practice with that, and sitting down to work for a while might even make a good transition from day to evening (I struggle with transitions, but that's a story for a different day).
And yet I was uncomfortable sitting down to do my creative work. I felt like I should be doing something else--cleaning up in the kitchen, getting started making dinner, some sort of responsible thing. But most evenings when I get home, after I take care of the cats I tend to zone out, cuddling with said kitties, watching TV, doing not much of anything. And for much longer than my creative practice took, because I settle into this resting and relaxing period and have a hard time breaking out of it to get up and do anything else. But last night after my practice I went in the kitchen, cleaned up a few things, and made dinner. And I still had time after to do some writing, some reading, and some lounging.
The discomfort remains, though. I think somewhere deep down inside I am feeling guilty about taking care of myself first. And I didn't even know I had that kind of thing going on! I believe very deeply that we must care for ourselves, that we aren't really going to be much use to anyone else if we aren't caring for ourselves. So why is it so hard to put my work before household chores and things I think I should be doing? I'm not sure, but now that I have realized I have this going on I'm going to work on it, stay aware of it, notice when it's happening, and see what I can do about it.
Oh, and writing? Two sentences eased me back in. I guess maybe it wasn't the time for a big goal. So my goal is back to just doing some writing each weekday. I like it. I don't feel stressed about it, my story is swirling around in my head again and I actually feel like writing. I'm going to take that as a sign that I'm on the right track.
I'm keeping track of when I've done my Creative+Practice work by tweeting when I'm done (yesterday I was fancy and even included a photo!). I think I'm going to do the same for my writing. If anyone else has things they want to work on, and you want to cheer each other on and offer a bit of accountability let me know. I'd love to have you with me on my journey, and I'd love to be part of yours, too. Leave me a note, and let's connect and get some stuff done!