I am finally back from my long trip, trying to find my way back into everyday life like a turtle returning to the sea. Or maybe like a small child dipping her toes into the cold water, not really sure she wants to jump in. But unlike the child, or even the turtle, there's not much choice when the ocean you are dipping into is life itself. Picking up and carrying on is the only way to go.
When I left on August 17, I mentioned here that I was called away on a family emergency. My mother, who has had cancer for the past three-and-a-half years, was in critical condition. I flew home and spent the next 11 days with her at the hospital. On August 28 she went on to whatever comes next for us all. Then came a whirlwind of funeral plans and the funeral itself, packing her belongings and emptying her apartment (my poor family--aunt and uncle and cousins--got stuck with so much of it as I had to return home too soon!), and then a cross-country drive in her car.
Now I'm home, and trying to get an idea of what life is now. I don't have any creative plans or goals or challenges to share about right now. I have only been back for a few days after three weeks and a major life change away, so I am still getting my bearings. But blogging is a thing I do, and I want to get back to the things I do, to a life not centered around crisis and sorrow.
For now I'm going to continue reading a lot. I'm going to snuggle my kitties at home and the dogs here at work. I'm starting a new knitting project, a knit-along that started September 1 (SweaterBabe's Mystery Scarf Knit-Along). Knitting is calm and soothing, and also perfect as we move into the cooler Autumn weather.
I'm not sure exactly when I'll be getting back to anything like normal. Maybe never--maybe I will find myself making lots of changes and stirring things up now. Life will definitely be very different. I used to talk to my mother at least twice a day and often more, small and frequently silly conversations sometimes only two or three minutes long. Now I will be looking at what will fill those spaces. For now I'm just being, but I did want to let everyone know what's going on with me.
Enjoy the slow ride into Autumn! Take care of yourselves! And thanks for your patience as I slowly get back to the world.
So much love to you Kim as you get your bearings. It is so good to hear that you are being present and just being. My mom passed away unexpectedly three years ago and she had become a very good friend over the years. We also talked multiple times a day and were together multiple times a week. I did a bypass of my grieving process so I love to see when people are present in the process of saying “goodbye for now†to those they love.
Thank you, Jill. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I hope you have had a chance to let yourself work through some of the grieving process and are finding lots of peace and beautiful memories now.
Sending you waves of love, peace, comfort as you ease back into life. And, yes, continue to knit on, it is a wonderful meditative, reflective process.
Thank you, Julia. Yarn and needles are wonderfully soothing!
Sending you lots of love and hugs Kim! I remember the challenges of losing my Mom, three years ago. Know that that your Mom's love is always with you and will guide you in the years to come.
Thank you, Indigene.
So sorry for your loss Kim. Sending love as you work through this.
Thank you, Deanna.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Sending a giant wish for whatever you need most as you reorient yourself.
Thank you, Elizabeth.